Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
