I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
