i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
