This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
