Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I don't deserve a penis
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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