Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
party gras won. party gras always wins.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
