I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Enjoy the penises
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
