Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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