I've blown a few things in my day
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize