If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I have fence marks all over my body
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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