After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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