Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
