do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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