Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
farters have to be the big spoon...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
