he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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