Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
