Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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