we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
