The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
