the new term for farting is butt boxing.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
