Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize