and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
