I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
