if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
