Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we're making bets on your personal life
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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