pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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