When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
