we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
