Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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