Pants 0. Shit 1.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
