i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
