never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
