Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
