We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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