Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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