my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize