So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
