He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
