Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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