I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We need to feng shui this bitch.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize