my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
