I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Randomize
