theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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