The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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