I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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