he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
