I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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