apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
