My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
