Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize