Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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