I never want to see another naked old woman again.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
