i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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