Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
