every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
