I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize