I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
