And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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