Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
