I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
