she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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