go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
