and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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