Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
