new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
