You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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