he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
