I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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