OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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