Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
