you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
