just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
MIDGETS
????
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
