Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Sober January is a disaster.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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