I wish my penis had an off switch
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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