Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
