I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
